"My boyfriend and I (both men) have fallen into a well-worn pattern, with him topping and me bottoming. It's great, I enjoy it, but I'm ready to flip and he's willing to give it a shot. But despite this openness, when the sparks start flying, it's almost muscle memory for us to fall into the same routine. Every time I've tried to take initiative, it's like we go from a well-rehearsed dance to stumbling over each other."
"He'll tense up or be too silent when I eat his ass, and I'll lose my nerve and move back into bottoming. Do you have any suggestions for how to switch it up? I'm really enjoying the relationship and our sex lives otherwise, but it really feels like we'll never get into the swing of a fully vers sex life."
"I think the other major factor to consider is the stigma directed at bottoming. It is often regarded as less manly and submissive. Even among gay guys, there is bottom-shaming, which makes absolutely no sense since you can't have those who are venerated by proxy (that is, tops) without them. I think some guys regard bottoming as kind of the final frontier-if you don't cross over you're somehow more socially acceptable as a gay man than those cock-hungry bottoms, the thinking goes."
Anal sex presents both physical and psychological hurdles: pain for beginners and cultural stigma that frames bottoming as less masculine. Repetitive role patterns can become automatic, causing partners to default into established dynamics even when both express openness to change. Anxiety and freezing during attempts to switch roles undermine experimentation and reinforce the original pattern. Overcoming these obstacles requires deliberate, low-pressure practice, gradual physical preparation, clear communication about comfort and consent, positive reinforcement, and reframing bottoming as a valid sexual role without shame. Patience, progressive steps, and mutual support increase the likelihood of successful role reversal.
Read at Slate Magazine
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