"I'm a man who's been dating my new girlfriend for about four months. From the beginning, the sex was good-we like the same dynamics, she's beautiful and generous and thoughtful in bed, and game to try and introduce new things. But for the past few weeks, I cannot stop thinking about something when we are in bed-and it's not her. Before my girlfriend, I was in my first and only relationship with a man."
"I'd always assumed I was pan, having been with a lot of women before him. Now, his face or his dick or his dirty talk will flash in my head while I'm inside her or going down on her, and I can't shake it. I can't tell where this came from, or if it will go away. For context, this relationship is calm and communicative and affectionate, while that one was a roller"
"Dear How to Do It, I'm here to help, but first I have a question for you. Would you be satisfied if, upon assessing some 200 words on your life, I diagnosed you as not into women, definitively? You might be lost, but you're not that lost, and, however unfortunately, you're going to have to find yourself through experience. It's possible that you had a stronger connection with the person that preceded your current girl"
A man in a four-month relationship with a woman experiences intrusive sexual thoughts and memories of a previous male partner during sex. The current relationship is calm, communicative, affectionate, and sexually compatible. The prior three-year relationship with a man combined repression and consistently intense sexual encounters. Intrusive images, body parts, or dirty talk from the previous partner appear during sexual activity with the new partner, causing distress and uncertainty about orientation. The person wonders whether stability, unresolved attraction, or misidentified orientation explains the intrusions. Definitive orientation conclusions cannot be drawn from a brief account; self-discovery requires experience and reflection.
Read at Slate Magazine
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