"Best practices require that I state at the outset that I do not possess a law degree, paralegal training, formal or informal knowledge of the laws of this city, county, state, or country, or any familiarity whatsoever with the traditions of conduct associated with Judeo-Christian law. In any legal proceeding, I have no authority to represent anybody but myself. However, as you can see from my billboards and bus-shelter ads, I do possess a dog"
"and a bull. The dog, when it opens its mouth, shows off its large, pointed teeth, connected top to bottom by strands of saliva. My bull is of the breed that, when you mess with it, you get the horn. If you're wondering why my bull has only one horn, that is the reason. As for my own teeth, they make the dog's teeth and"
"Though I cannot sue the people or entities that have wronged you, I BITE BACK, and you will owe me nothing until I bite. Injured at work? I will bite the headquarters of the company that's responsible, chew up the chain-link fence around its employee parking lot, and gnaw the vents of its HVAC system from the outside. After seeing this, the wrongdoers usually rush to settle."
No law degree, paralegal training, formal or informal knowledge of local laws, or familiarity with Judeo-Christian legal traditions is claimed. No authority exists to represent anyone other than the individual in legal proceedings. Billboards and bus-shelter ads feature a dog and a bull as metaphors for aggressive intervention. The rhetoric promises extralegal actions — biting corporate headquarters, damaging fences, and gnawing HVAC vents — to force rapid settlements for workplace injuries and accidents. The message warns that individuals should not retaliate because wealthy targets employ powerful defenders who would quickly overwhelm private actors. Tone mixes hyperbole, threat, and advertisement-style boasting.
Read at The New Yorker
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