Conan O'Brien delivered an irreverent yet heartfelt commencement address to Harvard graduates, mixing jokes about his alma mater with personal reflections. He mocked Harvard through specific references to dorms and dining hall misdeeds, then turned to the political climate. He joked about suing Harvard, paralleling a presidential administration effort to restrict foreign student admissions. He mocked the rationale by claiming foreigners add little to American culture, while listing many cultural and scientific contributions. He also reflected on how, when he began as a late-night host, media attention focused on his Harvard background, which he said was a disadvantage for a comedian. He ended by poking fun at his own ego and show titles.
"The titles of my shows have been Late Night with Conan O'Brien, The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, (where'd I think of that one?), Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, and Conan O'Brien Must Go. I fought like hell to have today's ceremony named Conan O'Brien Presents The Harvard Commencement Starring Conan O'Brien."
"No university in our nation has produced more Nobel laureates or white-collar criminals. So whether you choose good or evil, know that you are among the very best."
"The current administration feels Harvard admits too many foreign students, and who knows, they may have a point. After all, what has any foreigner ever added to our American culture? With the possible exception of music, literature, art, cuisine, fashion, architecture, dance, scientific breakthroughs... Seriously, if foreigners hadn't gummed up the works, right now we'd all be listening to delightful Calvinist reggae, eating savory Church of England ziti, and dancing the forbidden and sexually charged Lutheran lambada."
"That association may have been fine if I were a burgeoning philosopher or physicist, but for a comedian, that was a death knell. People thought the name of m"
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