"I have sacrificed myself on the battlefield of patriarchy chicken, by walking square into people who stride down the centre of the pavement staring at their phones and expecting everyone else to jump out of their way. I have risked life and limb in a pub full of football fans by declaring my belief that the only real sports are running fast, jumping high and throwing or swimming far the rest are just games."
"And yes, you perverts, I do mean turkey and cranberry sauce just stop putting jam on your Christmas dinner! I know what you're going to say: But surely you don't mean pork with apple sauce? You bet I mean it. Bacon is for a sandwich and stewed apple goes in pie or in babies they do not belong in the same bite."
Meat and fruit should never be served on the same plate. Specific unacceptable pairings include turkey with cranberry sauce, pork with apple sauce, bacon with stewed apple, duck a l'orange, lamb with redcurrant, mango chutney on curry, and ham-and-pineapple pizza. Bacon belongs in a sandwich and stewed apple belongs in pie or baby food. Petty, ritualised confrontations over behaviour and taste extend to pavement etiquette, a narrow definition of real sports, and repetitive coffee ordering. Colleagues suggest exceptions such as coronation chicken, figs, and prosciutto with melon, but these are dismissed. Anxiety arises about enforcing these culinary rules at holiday meals.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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