"When I was young, I thought the worst thing you could do, as a host, was to run out of booze. Then, when I was less young, I thought it was to not have enough food, and now I am perfectly wise, I know that those things don't matter at all, because you can always go to the shop. The important thing is not to look harried, and to not look that way, you need to not be that way."
"It's a psychodynamically interesting thing, to invite people into your home: intimate and familial; generous your friends will want to repay that by making you happy, and if you're stressed instead, they'll leave with an inchoate sense of guilt and discomfort. Every catering decision, guest list and to-do list should be made with this at the front of your mind: am I the kind of person who can put the finishing touches on a croquembouche and chat about Dolly Parton at the same time?"
"Some absolute basics: you can be a bad guest even if you don't go, by texting 20 minutes ahead and saying you can't make it. Never do this. Cancel a week ahead, or apologise the next day. I read once that you should never arrive with flowers; send them earlier in the day. That sounds like the kind of thing posh people do, but iIt's good not to arrive with something that immediately creates a task."
Hosting matters more for the atmosphere than for perfect provisioning. Guests notice and mirror the host's mood, so appearing calm and unhurried creates comfort. Make catering, guest lists, and tasks match personal capacity to maintain composure. Consider whether complex culinary finishing touches will distract from social engagement. As a guest, give reliable notice for cancellations and avoid bringing items that create immediate work on arrival. Small, thoughtful contributions that are immediately useful can function as icebreakers. Avoid cliques by incorporating isolated guests or joining groups to diffuse social divisions.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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