"My first year out of school was not the easiest. I was lost, full of yearning and big dreams. I didn't realise the ways in which my time at school had been containing my anxiety. I was too busy, along with all the other girls, being excited about the future. School and its expectations were there to be railed against, and teachers and rules are to be left far behind."
"Bring on the future! I would leave home and move to the city to study! I would perform in plays! How thrilling! And wonderful! But it wasn't those things. I was exhausted. I had given the HSC everything and didn't have the resources for university. Nor did I feel ready, once I got there, to make new friends. My old ones felt like family; you can't just snap your fingers and create new relationships."
I struggled deeply in the first year after school, feeling lost, yearning, and overwhelmed despite big dreams. Time at school had contained anxiety, and leaving removed that structure. I imagined moving to the city, studying, and performing, but exhaustion followed intensive HSC effort and limited resources for university. New friendships felt unreachable while old friends felt like family. I chose the wrong course and institution, lived in unsuitable places, and fell for unsuitable partners. I failed to enter NIDA, dropped out after a year, then later trained at the Victorian College of the Arts, which offered discoveries about text and character. After graduating, unemployment persisted; I worked in kitchens, bars, and hotels between auditions.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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