"Your partner is right about what passes for black tie these days. And while you each perfectly define a competing meaning of black tie optional in current use, Miss Manners does not know the happy couple, and therefore cannot say which applies. She would take optional seriously."
"Black tie notation was a double whammy for us, as we are a gay male couple. We have no intention of purchasing or renting tuxedos for this event, so the issue is whether to attend it at all. My partner says that he would be comfortable wearing a black suit, and that the hosts and the bridal couple would also be fine with that, as black tie is merely optional."
A gay male couple faces uncertainty about attending a wedding with a black tie optional dress code. One partner believes optional means genuinely optional and proposes wearing a black suit instead of a tuxedo, noting that modern black tie attire closely resembles formal black suits. The other partner interprets optional as a polite way of saying black tie is expected and prefers declining to avoid disappointing the hosts. Miss Manners advises taking optional seriously, acknowledging that while both interpretations exist in current usage, without knowing the specific hosts, the literal meaning of optional should prevail. The couple can attend in formal black attire without standing out or disrespecting the bridal couple.
#dress-code-etiquette #wedding-invitation-protocol #black-tie-optional-interpretation #social-expectations
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