How to Get Your Server's Attention Without Being a Jerk

"We've all gone to the dark place at least once, where we believe the person serving us in a restaurant has forgotten-or worse!-is purposely avoiding us. How else can I explain my perpetually empty glass, or that they haven't deposited the bill even though they know I'm going to a show after dinner? Their prolonged absence is more likely unintentional-because the restaurant is overbooked and understaffed or the server is also juggling a table of 20. Or maybe, like me, they're having a bad day."

"The perception of being ignored by waitstaff brings out some rather feral behavior in diners. Responding to a social media poll, a dozen-plus servers, general managers and sommeliers reported that customers trying to get their attention have snapped, whistled, clapped and thrown pens at them; waved their napkins around their heads and shouted infantilizing epithets like "Hey darling!" and "Little girl!" Diners have interrupted servers' conversations with other tables, and-on rarer occasions-yanked on their clothes or physically grabbed them."

"Unfortunately, entitled jerks who mistreat service workers are eternal, she says. During the Covid-19 pandemic, people stopped flexing the muscles that dictate how to behave in public social settings, which may explain the recent uptick in bad behavior. Post is more concerned that people have yet to resolve their "quickness to impatience," which provokes responses that are "too disruptive for what's supposed to be a more toned-down atmosphere.""

People frequently assume that absent restaurant servers are intentionally avoiding them, but prolonged absence is more often unintentional due to overbooking, understaffing, or servers juggling large tables or having bad days. Perceptions of being ignored provoke aggressive and humiliating behavior from diners, including snapping, whistling, clapping, throwing pens, waving napkins, shouting infantilizing epithets, interrupting conversations, and occasional physical grabbing. Pandemic-era erosion of public etiquette and a quickness to impatience have contributed to an uptick in entitled mistreatment of service workers. Maintaining composure begins with recognizing unknown factors behind a server's absence (for example, understaffing) and tempering immediate reactions.

Read at Bon Appetit