The five love languages of leadership

"If you haven't read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, you're probably at least familiar with the idea behind it: that people give and receive care in different ways. Some value words, others actions. Some want quality time; others want gifts or closeness. Problems arise when two people in a relationship give and receive care differently. Even the best intentions don't land if they're expressed in a way the recipient doesn't recognize. This dynamic is well-established in personal relationships, but I've also seen a version of it play out between leaders and their teams."

"Just as in personal relationships, leadership is not measured by what you mean to convey, but by what the other person experiences. As leaders, we care deeply about our teams. Yet even the best intentions can get lost in translation when there's a leadership language mismatch. Like there are leadership styles, there are followership preferences. Some people want clear guardrails; others want autonomy. Some value frequent feedback; others prefer independence. When leadership and followership styles align, work feels energizing. When they don't, even talented people struggle."

"These disconnects often show up as performance problems. But at a deeper level, they are translation problems—moments when a leader's way of showing support or direction doesn't align with what a team member needs to do their best work. I've seen this pattern repeatedly, and I'm sure you have too: A strong hire struggles. Communication becomes tense. Projects and initiatives stall. Often, a leader's instinct is to treat the problem as a performance issue and not a mismatch in how support is being communicated or experienced."

Leadership is experienced by followers, not declared by leaders. Mismatches between how leaders express support and how team members prefer to receive it create translation problems that often appear as performance issues. Followership preferences vary: some people want clear guardrails and frequent feedback, while others want autonomy and independence. When leadership and followership styles align, work becomes energizing; when they don't, communication grows tense, hires struggle, and projects stall. Treating these disconnects as language mismatches rather than solely performance failures enables leaders to better enable people to do their best work.

Read at Fast Company