Poet Rachel Eliza Griffiths says she won't let pain be 'the engine that drives the ship'

"She says Moon's death put her in a dissociative state; it was as though she were standing outside her own body. "There was a moment literally where I felt I was looking down at this woman who was this gorgeous bride and the agony and anguish in her body," Griffiths says. "She was screaming, people were holding her down so she wouldn't hurt herself. And then I just left.""

"As she was rushing to be with him, Griffiths fell down a flight of stairs. It was a clarifying moment. "When I got up and realized I hadn't broken my neck or broken a bone, I just really was like, 'That's the last time you fall down. You cannot risk your safety. You cannot be running around with your head off your shoulders. You need to focus now,'" she says."

Rachel Eliza Griffiths experienced sudden trauma when her best friend Kamilah Aisha Moon died on Griffiths' wedding day, which triggered a dissociative state and pervasive memory blackouts of the ceremony. Many moments from the wedding remain inaccessible and photographs fail to elicit connection. Eleven months later, news of Salman Rushdie's stabbing led Griffiths to rush to his side and she fell down a flight of stairs, a moment that prompted a determination to prioritize safety and focus. Griffiths recounts these episodes, her diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder, and her friendship with Moon in the memoir The Flower Bearers, linking personal trauma to caregiving during the attack.

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