"I'm a female in a three-way relationship with my girlfriend "Talia" and our boyfriend "Karl." Talia recently had a miscarriage, her third, although her first with Karl. She has been devastated. Dear It's Bad, We've been doing all we can to support her, but she's in a bad way. And she has aggressively rejected all contact with Karl-she won't even be in the same room with him for more than a few minutes. She also, very aggressively, almost desperately, wants to have sex with me. I mean, we were intimate before, but there's an edge to it now-a need that seems new and I don't think is healthy."
"Regardless of what is going on in Talia's life, you have the right to set boundaries. You never have to have sex. As a partner, Talia must respect this or she's violating your consent. You don't need a reason for not wanting sex, though tension can arise when matters this intimate go unexplained, so some communication here is probably necessary. Instead of telling Talia that you think her pursuit of sex or desire for it strikes you as unhealthy in this situation, focus on your feelings. A miscarriage can be very difficult for not just the person who experiences it, but many people around them, especially in their household. You can explain how emotionally affected you are and set boundaries."
A member of a three-way relationship reports that one partner, Talia, suffered a miscarriage and has rejected contact with the male partner while urgently pursuing sex with the narrator. The narrator feels uncomfortable and recognizes Talia's mental state as fragile, fearing both to continue and to stop sexual contact. The advice affirms the narrator's right to refuse sex and to set boundaries without justification. Partners must respect consent. Communication that focuses on personal feelings is recommended, and household members should explain emotional impacts and negotiate clear limits.
Read at Slate Magazine
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