"You should see my face right now. I'm the one who's aghast! Why would you take the side of some strange men over your own daughter? It would be one thing if she told you she was planning to go into their wallets, take down their Social Security numbers, and steal their identities while they slept. But these are adults dealing with pretty typical adult relationship stuff. Stay out of it."
"I don't know what history of conflict or incompatibility you two have, and I don't expect you to fully endorse her every ethically questionable decision, but your instinct to step into the role of a cop, totally unprompted, is upsetting. Try to be kinder to your daughter. You skipped right past "Should I tell her I think what she's doing is a bad idea?" which would be a probably ineffective but acceptable approach to the situation."
"You should really think about-and maybe consult with a therapist about-how you react to her and treat her in general. Because long after all three of these men are out of her life (which I'm assuming will be soon, because who has time for all that?), you two are going to still be mother and daughter, and you don't want to be adversaries. You said you taught her not to be cavalier about relationships. Take your own advice."
A mother asks whether she should tell her daughter’s three boyfriends about each other to ensure disclosure. The response rejects stepping into a policing role and argues that the situation involves typical adult relationship behavior. It criticizes the mother’s instinct to act unprompted and suggests a kinder approach, such as discussing concerns about the decision with her daughter rather than confronting the boyfriends. The response also recommends considering therapy to understand and manage reactions toward the daughter. It emphasizes that even after relationships end, the mother-daughter relationship will continue, so avoiding adversarial dynamics matters. The mother is urged to follow her own guidance about not being cavalier while still treating her daughter with care.
Read at Slate Magazine
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