"Actually taking care of your own concerns before those of others, whether they're your twin, husband, children, parents, or friend, is a complicated psychological problem for twins to deal with. And explaining this difficulty to non-twins may be impossible. Indeed, "taking care of yourself first" is an ongoing problem for twins, who begin to share their lives when they are conceived and then born."
"As an example, my twin sister calls me with a serious problem she is having with a family member or one of her students. She is eager to ask my opinion on how to react to the issue she is facing. I have to say, "I am not free now, let's talk later." She already knows that I work most days, so why do I feel bad saying, "Sorry, no time now.""
Twins commonly struggle to prioritize their own needs because caregiving behaviors between twins begin prenatally and continue throughout development. Shared experiences create habitual "twin time" that makes self-directed decision-making and boundary-setting difficult. Explaining this internal conflict to non-twins often proves impossible. Twins frequently feel guilt when declining immediate requests from their twin, even when work or other responsibilities demand attention. Responses to crises vary with urgency, but twins tend to feel compelled to respond, particularly when the twin is involved. Learning to treat one's own problems as primary is conceptually simple but practically challenging for many twins.
Read at Psychology Today
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