When someone has had an experience or series of experiences wherein they were powerless, that sense of helplessness can get stamped onto their perceptions. Psychologists have known this for decades. As early as 1967, an experiment subjected dogs to repeated shocks in such a way that the dogs could not predict when they would be shocked (Overmier and Seligman, 1967). Over time, the creatures simply accepted the shocks and became docile.
We all know someone who seems to "forget" how to do something they've done a hundred times before: a partner who can't figure out the laundry settings, a colleague who somehow never learns the new scheduling system, a friend who always "means to" organize the gathering but never quite does. The term " weaponized incompetence" has emerged to describe this pattern: when someone exaggerates or performs helplessness to avoid responsibility and, consciously or not, shifts the burden onto someone else.
These statements sound reasonable; even wise. But this seemingly practical mindset reveals a belief that actually amplifies anxiety while keeping our vision and impact small. That belief? That the big picture just "is what it is"-and that our best option is just to learn to navigate it better. Obviously, understanding our limitations is wise. Taking action where we can is imperative. And we must all navigate the world as it currently is.