When the person you're pretending to be gets too heavy to carry, you realize that the mask you've worn for so long has become your actual face.
The only thing worse than making a mistake is keeping it bottled up inside. Learning from the mistakes of others could help you embark on the healing journey of sharing and working through a mistake of your own, with someone you trust.
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. ~Viktor Frankl. For a long time, my first response to difficulty was a single, aching question: 'Why me?' It surfaced whenever life took an unexpected turn—when plans collapsed, when effort didn't materialize, when circumstances felt unfair and overwhelming.
I spent forty years trying to impress people who probably forgot my name five minutes after I left their house. That's a hell of a thing to admit at sixty-six. But there it is. I've been retired for a couple years now, and the quiet has taught me things I was too busy to learn when I was running around with a van full of wire and a head full of worry.
But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousness are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. It was bracing language for an 8-year-old. Not only was I unclean, but even my best attempt at goodness was filthy.
The following by John Steinbeck supports a well-lived life. "Greatness lies in the one who triumphs equally over defeat and victory." Steinbeck is encouraging us to risk fully participating in life, with both defeat and victory being inevitable. It means living life on life's terms, doing what we can to minimize being defeated by either defeat or victory. Let's look more closely at what it means to be defeated by defeat.
I didn't have words for it back then, but the feeling was clear: if I stood out, something was wrong with me. And if something was wrong with me, I wasn't good enough. I remember standing there, already tense, afraid that the other kids would think I looked stupid. Afraid they wouldn't want to play with me. Afraid that being different, even in something small, would mean I didn't belong.
We live in an era saturated with information. In a matter of minutes, we can find answers to both simple questions ("What's a good birthday gift for a 9-year-old boy?") and complex ones ("What's the optimal diet for a 40-year-old woman trying to build muscle?"). While some decisions are in fact deeply nuanced, most of the struggles that undermine our well-being are not caused by a lack of knowledge.
The word umwelt comes from biology, coined by ethologists studying animals in their natural habitats. It refers to the world as an organism can perceive it, based entirely on its sensory equipment. A bat's umwelt is built from echo. A dog's from scent. A tick's world is dominated by a single chemical cue that tells it when to drop from a branch onto a passing mammal.
An old definition of the word fate is "the will of the gods." We might say that it is a fitting metaphor, as it suggests that fate comes from a source much larger than ourselves. Its immensity will stretch way beyond what is in our control. We can ask: How can we create a life that reflects our dreams and what we hold to be important, when so much lies outside our sphere of influence?
They look nervously at the cameras. The prize, they are told, is beyond description, but "it is what everyone wants!" The first question is asked: "Who are you?" The fastest contestant with the buzzer rings in - "Michelle!" they cry out confidently. BUZZ - the sound for the wrong answer rings out loudly. Another contestant seizes the moment and squeezes their buzzer. "A Man!" he states with utmost confidence. BUZZ - wrong again.
For years, I'd used these journals as a kind of inner courtroom, constantly building a case against myself or others. Every page held evidence of failures, proof of my profoundly advanced ability to gaslight myself. I could shrink or morph into whatever was requested for another person's comfort. Small flowered booklets documenting all the ways I couldn't get "it" right.
Every day you get closer to your death. This is the phrase that shook me to my core when my high school teacher, Mr. Murphy, presented it in Religious Knowledge class. I was 14 years old. I immediately objected, calling it depressive in an attempt to protect my classmates-or perhaps myself. He looked straight at me and said, "It is simply the truth. Take it as you wish."
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." ~Lao Tzu For many years, I was deeply involved in spiritual communities-satsangs, meditation centers, ashrams, and groups focused on positivity, service, and personal growth. These places gave me comfort, community, and a sense of purpose. But they also shaped something inside me that I didn't fully recognize until much later: I had built my self-worth around being a "good person."
By the time people reach their seventh decade, they have learned many lessons. From a psychological standpoint, they understand what really matters. They have learned what to let go of. They know what they need to be happy. They also acknowledge the importance of being kinder to themselves and how relationships and experiences are more important than possessions. They tend to reflect on lessons learned and often recover more easily from adversity. They also focus on wanting the best for their loved ones.
