#joint-family-living

#joint-family-living

As the eldest sibling, I did what I always do, which is jump in and become the fixer. I organised the funeral, paid for it and told my siblings they could pay me back once the dust had settled.

The will left 40% of the assets to both brothers and only 20% to me, despite my greater involvement in caregiving.

Fionnuala May has lived on Mountjoy Square in Dublin's north inner city for 43 years. That puts her out of step with most Irish people. As a nation, wedded to our cars, we've fallen out of the habit of living in towns, says the president of the Royal Institute of the Architects of Ireland (RIAI) and county architect for Fingal.

By that point in our relationship, Al and I recognized that we live completely opposite lifestyles at home. I like creature comforts and wanted my dream lakeside home in Portugal. Al was interested in becoming even more self-sufficient, living off-grid if possible. Al already owned about an acre of land in Portugal. He put a yurt on the land, and now lives there without running water and with only limited solar power.

Living with family as an adult is often framed as a "failure to launch," but navigating grief at home with my mom and younger sister helped me rethink growth. Living at home in my 20s wasn't easy at first, but after my dad died, living together became a lifeline that transformed my understanding of what adulthood truly means.

You didn't just lose a husband-you also folded yourself into his family's grief and stood beside them through their darkest moments. Those ties don't simply disappear because life moves forward. Knowing that firsthand, I want to acknowledge the very human dilemma you are facing. You're balancing loyalty to someone who has been family for a long time with the commitment you are now making to a new partner. These are not simple emotional shifts. They require courage, clarity, empathy, and a whole lot of heart.

One of the things I enjoyed most about this past holiday season was my mother's absence. From my childhood until I severed ties with her in my forties, Christmas with her was a torment. She had always excelled at humiliation, gaslighting, tirades, and other forms of emotional abuse. But these hardships felt even more acute during a season which extols the supportive family bonds my siblings and I never knew.

Growing up, Melissa Shultz sometimes felt like she had two fathers. One version of her dad, she told me, was playful and quick to laugh. He was a compelling storyteller who helped shape her career as a writer, and he gave great bear hugs. He often bought her small gifts: a pink "princess" phone when she was a teen, toys for her sons when she became a mom.

Growing up outside Manchester, Sunday dinners at our house were an event. Not because we had fancy food-it was usually whatever Mum could stretch from the weekly shop-but because that's when everything stopped. Dad would turn off the telly, my sister would put down her magazine, and we'd all squeeze around our small kitchen table. Those conversations over shepherd's pie taught me more about life than any expensive holiday ever could.

"My kids are so invested in their children it's beautiful! They use gentle parenting techniques, even with challenging personalities; provide them with healthy outlets and nurture their friends as well. They're 100% better than I was - but I had to do it alone with five children. I'd choose my kid's parenting over mine, every time!" - Anne W.