Guilt, in certain circumstances, can be a helpful emotion. For centuries, humans have used guilt to help them connect, collaborate, and build community because the ability to feel guilty when we've harmed someone expresses to them that we care enough to feel badly about what has happened. It also motivates us to try to make a repair.
Before we begin: Take a moment, if you're willing, to notice what happens in your body as you read the word "rest." Does your breath change? Do your shoulders tense or release? Does a subtle anxiety flutter in your chest, or perhaps a wave of longing wash over you? Whatever arises-or doesn't-is valuable information about your nervous system's relationship with stillness.
For some men, anger is the emotion they are most familiar with. Ask one of these men how he feels and you are likely to get a puzzled expression, unless, of course, he is angry, in which case he is often quite clear about how he feels. Some families have adapted strategies over the years to either avoid or manage men's unacknowledged anger.
Rising from my seat at the front table, a familiar acid burn crawls up my throat. It's that failure lump I've carried for the past 16 months. Today is somber. My late wife Jane's celebration of life. She died just over a month ago after a 15‑month battle with leukemia. More than 250 friends and family members fill the room, waiting for me to deliver her eulogy.