#caregiver-comfort
#caregiver-comfort
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#mental-health #caregiving #family-dynamics #aging #relationships #retirement #loneliness #identity #psychology
#retirement
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoNobody talks about the specific grief of watching your retired parent wander from room to room in a house that used to be chaos - not because they're sad, but because the structure that held their entire identity just became square footage - Silicon Canals
Retirement can lead to a loss of purpose for parents who defined themselves through their roles and responsibilities.
Retirement
fromSilicon Canals
6 hours agoThe emptiness many people feel after 70 isn't the absence of purpose - it's the absence of an audience, and those are completely different problems with completely different solutions - Silicon Canals
Retirement often leads to a loss of audience, not purpose, causing feelings of uselessness among retirees.
Retirement
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoPsychologists explain that people who feel neglected in retirement aren't necessarily being ignored - they're experiencing the sudden absence of the role-based relationships that made them feel valued for forty years - Silicon Canals
Retirement can lead to feelings of invisibility and loss of identity as relationships formed at work fade away.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoI retired at 64 with a generous pension and a calendar full of plans - and by month three I was staring at my phone realizing I had nobody to call just to talk, not because I needed something - Silicon Canals
Retirement can lead to unexpected loneliness and a realization of the lack of genuine friendships built outside of work.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoI'm 66 and I woke up last Thursday and realized I couldn't name a single thing I was looking forward to - not because nothing good was happening but because I'd trained myself to find meaning in being needed and nobody needs me anymore - Silicon Canals
Finding purpose in being needed can lead to a loss of personal desires and identity after retirement.
Real estate
fromSilicon Canals
9 hours agoNeuroscience reveals that the feeling of home isn't about geography or architecture. It's a nervous system state. People who never learned to feel safe in the presence of others carry a portable homelessness that no mortgage, renovation, or relocation has ever been shown to resolve. - Silicon Canals
Home is not just a physical space; it's about the ability of one's nervous system to settle in the presence of others.
Careers
fromSilicon Canals
17 hours agoI was always the reliable one - the one who showed up, remembered, rearranged, and absorbed - and it took me until 58 to wonder whether anyone would have come looking if I'd stopped - Silicon Canals
Being the reliable one can lead to personal neglect and invisibility in relationships.
#loneliness
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
23 hours agoThere's a certain kind of loneliness that only hits after 60 - not the loneliness of being alone, but the loneliness of being with people who love the person you've always been and have no idea who you're becoming - Silicon Canals
Loneliness after sixty stems from being surrounded by people who see an outdated version of oneself, not from physical absence.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology says the loneliness that arrives after 65 isn't an inevitable feature of aging - it's the accumulated result of every friendship that was allowed to thin, every phone call that was delayed, every invitation that wasn't extended, compounded quietly over decades until the social life that once maintained itself without effort requires more effort than it has ever required and more energy than is currently available - Silicon Canals
Loneliness often stems from a series of small decisions that weaken social connections over time.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoPsychology says the loneliest people in life aren't the ones nobody likes - they're the kind, helpful people everyone appreciates but nobody thinks to check on because they seem so self-sufficient - Silicon Canals
Highly capable, helpful individuals often feel lonely because their strength creates an illusion that they do not need support.
Medicine
fromwww.businessinsider.com
2 days agoI vibe coded an AI tool to help my mom fight stage 4 cancer. It helped us catch errors in her treatment and let her die with dignity.
Pratik Desai developed a tool to assist his mother in navigating Stage 4 duodenal adenocarcinoma using advanced coding and AI technology.
#happiness
Writing
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoI'm 66 and I spent four decades chasing the version of happiness I saw in other people's living rooms - and the day I stopped, I noticed I'd been happy in my own kitchen all along - Silicon Canals
Measuring happiness against others' lives leads to perpetual dissatisfaction and obscures personal contentment.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoI'm 73 and my husband asked me what makes me happy and I gave him the answer I thought he wanted to hear - our kids, our grandkids, our home - but the real answer is I genuinely don't know anymore because I've spent forty years editing my joy to fit other people's expectations - Silicon Canals
Editing joy to fit others' expectations can lead to losing sight of what truly makes one happy.
fromwww.aljazeera.com
5 days agoChildren's hospital in Tehran keeps hopes and smiles alive during war
Resident doctors and interns at the Children's Medical Center have been pooling their own money with some donations to organise activities for the children suffering from underlying health conditions.
NYC parents
#dementia
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
3 weeks agoThe cruelest thing about dementia isn't the forgetting - it's the afternoon your mother looks at you with perfect clarity, says something so sharp and specific it could only come from the woman she was before, and then it closes like a window, and you spend the drive home trying to decide if that moment was a gift or the worst kind of goodbye - Silicon Canals
Moments of clarity in dementia patients are emotionally devastating because they offer false hope before the person disappears again into confusion.
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
3 weeks agoThe cruelest thing about dementia isn't the forgetting - it's the afternoon your mother looks at you with perfect clarity, says something so sharp and specific it could only come from the woman she was before, and then it closes like a window, and you spend the drive home trying to decide if that moment was a gift or the worst kind of goodbye - Silicon Canals
Moments of clarity in dementia patients are emotionally devastating because they offer false hope before the person disappears again into confusion.
Women in technology
fromwww.theguardian.com
1 week agoIn defence of dropping dead: the burden of extended care for aged parents is a heavy new phenomenon | Lucinda Holdforth
Modern longevity presents both a hopeful narrative of progress and a burden of economic, social, and psychological challenges for individuals and society.
NYC parents
fromwww.businessinsider.com
1 week agoI started raising my grandson just a few months into my retirement. My wife and I want to give him a good life, but it's financially draining.
Martin Odum and his wife are raising their grandson Noah, who has spina bifida, after previously raising their granddaughter.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology says the reason older people stop caring isn't emotional withdrawal - it's that they've finally learned to distinguish between what actually matters and what they were only caring about out of social obligation - Silicon Canals
Older individuals prioritize emotional connections over superficial relationships as they age, focusing on what truly matters in their lives.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoThe people who are best at hiding unhappiness aren't the stoic ones or the quiet ones - they're the ones who became so skilled at giving everyone around them exactly enough warmth to never be looked at too closely - Silicon Canals
People often hide their struggles behind a facade of warmth, leading to loneliness despite appearing thriving.
#aging
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoThe most painful thing about watching a parent age isn't the physical decline. It's the moment you catch them deferring to you on a decision they would have made without hesitation ten years ago, and you both feel the transfer of authority that neither of you agreed to. - Silicon Canals
The real challenge of aging parents lies in the subtle shifts of authority and uncertainty in their decision-making.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology says people who slowly become unpleasant to be around as they get older didn't develop new flaws - they lost the motivation to manage the old ones, and the management, it turns out, was doing considerably more work than anyone around them understood while it was still running - Silicon Canals
People don't become worse with age; they simply stop managing their flaws as their energy to do so diminishes.
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoThe hardest part of watching your parents age isn't the decline. It's the moment you realize you've become the adult in the room and nobody appointed you and there's no one above you anymore. - Silicon Canals
Watching parents age reveals uncomfortable truths and shifts the balance of power in family dynamics, leading to unexpected responsibilities and existential challenges.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
6 days agoPsychology says the reason aging people feel like they don't matter isn't about what they've lost - it's that society defines mattering as productivity and visibility, and the moment you step outside those narrow roles, your value becomes invisible even to people who love you - Silicon Canals
Retirement and aging can lead to feelings of invisibility and worthlessness due to society's narrow definitions of productivity.
#emotional-health
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoPeople who were always the strong one in the family often become the loneliest person in the room after 65. Every link must be real and accurate - Silicon Canals
Being the strong one in a family can lead to profound loneliness in later life due to a lack of emotional reciprocity.
Retirement
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoI'm 66 and I spent forty years trying to stay positive through everything - and what I actually created was a life where nobody knew me well enough to notice when I was drowning - Silicon Canals
Staying positive can lead to hidden struggles and emotional isolation, as individuals often mask their true feelings to appear strong.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoPeople who were always the strong one in the family often become the loneliest person in the room after 65. Every link must be real and accurate - Silicon Canals
Being the strong one in a family can lead to profound loneliness in later life due to a lack of emotional reciprocity.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology suggests the most reliable sign that someone had a difficult childhood isn't what they tell you about it - it's how startled they look when you are simply kind to them without a reason, as though kindness without a transaction attached is something the body recognizes as unusual before the mind has finished deciding what to do with it - Silicon Canals
Kindness can trigger confusion in those with a history of trauma due to learned survival responses from past experiences.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoThe hardest thing about being the calm one in a family is that your steadiness becomes load-bearing. Everyone leans on it, nobody asks what holds it up, and the day you finally crack, people don't comfort you. They panic. Because your collapse threatens the architecture, and the architecture was always more important than you were. - Silicon Canals
The calm family member often bears the burden of emotional labor, managing others' feelings while suppressing their own.
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology says people who mellow out as they get older aren't the ones who suffered less - they're the ones who decided, at some point and without always knowing they were deciding, that the suffering was going to make them more open rather than less, and that decision, remade daily in small ways that nobody notices, is the entire difference - Silicon Canals
Emotional responses to life's challenges can change over time, leading to greater peace and stability despite ongoing difficulties.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoNot everyone who avoids asking for help is proud. Some of them asked once, received it with a lecture attached, and learned that the cost of support was a small erosion of standing they could never quite earn back. - Silicon Canals
Asking for help can lead to unintended consequences that affect relationships and self-perception.
Health
fromSilicon Canals
3 weeks agoI'm 66 and a doctor I'd never met before looked at my chart and said "do you have someone at home" and the way she asked it - clinical, not warm - made me realize the question wasn't about companionship, it was about whether anyone would notice if something happened to me between appointments, and I've been sitting with that distinction ever since - Silicon Canals
Social isolation in retirement creates invisibility where daily routines no longer intersect with others, risking being unnoticed for extended periods.
Retirement
fromBuzzFeed
4 weeks ago32 Older People Are Sharing The Issues They Face That Aren't Talked About Enough
Older Americans face overlooked challenges including disrespect from younger generations, lack of formal address etiquette, and senior women experiencing homelessness due to insufficient retirement savings and inflation.
Relationships
fromSilicon Canals
2 weeks agoMost retirees don't realize the single biggest predictor of loneliness in retirement isn't whether you have friends - it's whether your friendships were built on mutual curiosity and care, or just shared circumstance, and these 7 signs reveal which kind you have - Silicon Canals
Workplace friendships often dissolve after retirement because they depend on shared professional context rather than genuine personal connection and mutual curiosity.
fromThe Mercury News
1 month agoIsolation adds to burdens for older people
Loneliness is more common among older adults because they're often not in contact with people through routine activities like work. Isolation is associated with increased risk of heart disease, dementia, stroke, depression and premature death.
Public health
Parenting
fromSilicon Canals
3 weeks agoMy parents are in their 60s and watching them begin to slow down is the first thing in my adult life that research can't help me process - Silicon Canals
Adult children experience role reversal with aging parents, navigating the emotional complexity of shifting from receiving guidance to providing support while preserving parental independence.
fromAlternative Medicine Magazine
1 month agoHealthy Lifestyle for Seniors: What to Prioritize After 60
As you age, your body gets less efficient at repair and recovery, as your: Immune system gradually loses some of its resilience Digestion slows Chances of chronic conditions like heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and osteoporosis increase Retirement can also impact your health in complex ways. While stepping away from work often reduces stress, it may lead to less physical activity and fewer social interactions-both of which can raise your health risks.
Alternative medicine
fromwww.bbc.com
1 month agoParents of gravely ill child refused respite care
It is really, really hard. He said the family had 'cried and begged for help' in meetings at home. 'Does our family unit have to break down? Does it have to get to a point where we no longer sustain this and then they'll step in and give you support? Because right now that's where we're at. We don't have any alternatives. If grandparents were an option, we'd already be doing it.'
Public health
Retirement
fromSilicon Canals
1 month agoYou know retirement loneliness has hit when the highlight of your week is one of these 8 things you never would have noticed before - Silicon Canals
Retirement removes work structure and social connections, leading to loneliness that manifests through seeking trivial activities and interactions to fill time and create purpose.
Parenting
fromBusiness Insider
3 weeks agoMy twins go to preschool at a nursing home. Its taught them about empathy and grief.
An intergenerational preschool program prioritizing empathy and community connection with seniors develops children's social-emotional skills beyond traditional academic readiness measures.
fromwww.bbc.com
2 months agoStruggling unpaid carers 'not aware' of support
And 29% of carers in the capital were in poverty in 2021-22, according to Carers UK - a higher proportion than 21% of Londoners in poverty. Some of this is due to unpaid carers not being aware of benefits they are entitled to, including the Carer's Allowance (CA), which can provide up to 83.30 a week, with others not considering themselves as carers at all.
London politics
Mental health
fromSilicon Canals
3 weeks agoPsychology says older parents who say "I don't want to be a burden" aren't being selfless-they're performing the only version of dignity they were ever taught, one where needing people is a failure, and their children hear humility but what's actually happening is a person rehearsing their own disappearance - Silicon Canals
Older adults' statements about not wanting to be burdens reflect deeply ingrained generational values about independence and dignity rather than genuine selflessness or consideration.
Relationships
fromBusiness Insider
2 months agoI raised my grandchildren after my daughter and son-in-law died. Now 87, it wasn't how I expected retirement to be.
An 87-year-old raised her grandchildren after both parents died while still working, facing emotional strain and generational caregiving challenges.
fromBusiness Insider
1 month agoI'm raising my four-year-old granddaughter on my own in my 60s. I expect to work until I die.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Dorenne Simonson, 66, who is her granddaughter's kinship care provider in New Jersey. Simonson has parented her since she was two months old. This interview has been edited for length and clarity. I've always been in a situation where I had to spend whatever I made. There's no retirement account when you're single and raise five kids by yourself.
Parenting
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