"You know what? he said. Whenever I ask you how you are, you never really answer. You go into a meta space immediately talking about politics or about bigger things that worry you but you never say how you actually are. I've been thinking about his observation ever since, debating in my mind whether it was true and I've recently reached the conclusion that, unfortunately, he was right."
"As much as I like to be perceived as an easygoing person, the question How are you? stresses me out immensely. I freeze when asked and wish we could just skip it. I'd be ashamed to dive into a deep analysis of my being which, secretly, is exactly what I'd love to do. But that might be overwhelming for the other person and impolite not to say unfair to burden them with my inner troubles."
"My odd relationship to the question, I suspect, is a German cultural phenomenon. As much as I despise generalisations and vague collective we talk this is a we matter. In most countries that I am familiar with say, Turkey or the UK people greet each other with a polite: Hello, how are you? No one expects much of an answer, just a friendly, harmless: I'm fine, how are you? It's more of a social lubricant or a ritual than a real request for information."
My friend in Ayvalk observed that I never truly answer 'How are you?' and I concluded he was right. The question provokes anxiety and freezing rather than a simple response. A cultural pattern emerges from upbringing that prioritized stoicism, self-sufficiency, and rationality over needs-oriented disclosure. In many places like Turkey and the UK the greeting functions as a social ritual expecting 'I'm fine.' In Germany the question is treated as probing and answers are judged for honesty and depth. People feel compelled to answer truthfully while negotiating how much to reveal to avoid burdening others.
Read at www.theguardian.com
Unable to calculate read time
Collection
[
|
...
]