"As my cursor hovered over the "join" icon on Zoom, I braced myself to enter what I have often experienced as a hostile world. Academic philosophy, a space in which my demeanor has been derisively described as "so chipper," where friendliness is crowded out by cold affect, where "manly courage" and masculinist garb signal rigor and good scholarship. Relaxing the muscles around my mouth, I put aside my smile along with the parts of me geared towards human bonding and care."
"You shared that because of your MS induced generalized anxiety, you could not receive critical feedback and needed everyone to be kind and complimentary towards you and your contributions. In that moment, I felt my beard melting as I smiled with excitement and furiously typed "Thank you so much for sharing your access needs! So glad you are here with us!""
An individual prepared to mask friendliness in academic philosophy described adopting a masculinized affect to fit into a cold, competitive environment. A meeting moment disrupted that performance when a participant requested specific access due to MS-induced generalized anxiety and asked for kindness rather than critical feedback. That disclosure prompted excitement and gratitude and recalled mutual aid practices where access needs are routinely checked. The disclosure produced access intimacy, a feeling of being understood and cared for. The moment exposed ableism and suggested that acknowledging diverse needs and collective care creates more inclusive, humane spaces.
Read at Apaonline
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