MCG pitch is easy scapegoat but sloppy cricket is to blame for early Ashes finishes | Geoff Lemon

"You know that something has gone wrong when the man in charge of the cricket pitch is giving a post-match press conference. Australian pitches are celebrities in their own right, each with a distinct perceived personality. Perth gasoline, bounce. Sydney intrigue, spin. Adelaide graft, a late finale. Like any possessor of fame who has been around long enough, some trade on past glories that no longer apply, but what those ideas mean to the people repeating them is worth more than the truth itself."

"Aptly, these celebrities have agents, representatives, fluffers, heading to media appearances before each Test to prognosticate. Where the English grass gaffers are still called groundsmen, clomping around in gumboots yelling at interlopers to get off their giant lawn, the Australians are curators, artfully synthesising the elements of sun and rain and dew and morning mist into something tangible."

"But following up the preview with a post-game bookend, as the Melbourne Cricket Ground curator, Matt Page, had to do on Sunday, can only mean that what happened in the interim was a disaster. For the venue and the host board, that's what a two-day Test match is. Right now, everyone is suddenly an expert on pitch preparation and will tell you that 10 millimetres of grass was too long."

Australian cricket venues carry distinct, widely recognised pitch personalities tied to local conditions and reputation. Curators in Australia treat pitch preparation as an artful synthesis of sun, rain, dew and morning mist rather than simple groundskeeping. Pre-match media appearances serve to prognosticate likely playing conditions and build narrative around a surface. A post-match curator briefing typically signals that the pitch outcome was significantly problematic for the venue or host board. Public reaction often simplifies pitch preparation to mechanical adjustments, but actual prep methods remain highly variable and context-dependent across locations and climates.

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