Abortion, regret and the right to decide | Letters

Abortion can be decided without feeling inevitable regret. One person describes choosing not to become a mother as a clear, uncomplicated decision, followed by relief rather than conflict. The main difference from a medical procedure like cancer surgery is stigma, since abortion often requires secrecy and careful disclosure. Another perspective supports abortion rights while adding nuance: abortion is not only a moral or courtroom issue, and it can involve pain, heart-wrenching feelings, and a lasting sense of loss even when the decision is not regretted. Silence and fear of misuse by anti-abortion groups can make the experience harder to process and communicate.

"My own experience of one, many years ago, was that it was in fact a very straightforward decision I didn't want to become a mother, so I didn't. End of. What was maybe most confusing about it was that I somehow felt that I should feel more hesitant and conflicted than I actually did, that I wasn't a proper woman because I wasn't more upset about it all. Many years later, having a cancerous tumour removed from my colon felt very much the same: something was growing inside me that I really didn't want there, that would cause major impacts on my life if not removed, and it was a great relief when it was gone."

"The main difference, of course, was stigma. With cancer you get sympathy and casseroles; with a termination you have to be cautious who you even tell. Imagine phoning your work and saying you won't be in for the next couple of days because you're recovering from an abortion and need to rest. You just wouldn't; you'd plead flu instead. Am I asking for this letter to be published anonymously? No. It's time we let go of this false shame."

"I wholeheartedly agree with the message of Roe McDermott's article. However, I would like to add some further nuance. I agree with fighting for abortion rights; I did it and still do it myself (both before and after my own experience of abortion). But I am sad that it is so necessary. We only ever talk about abortion in a moral or ethical framing, something to be debated in a courtroom."

"I do not regret my decision to have an abortion. But it was painful, heart-wrenching and represents a loss that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. This experience was made harder by the fact that I felt I shouldn't or couldn't talk about it, for fear of it being used as fodder for anti-abortion groups or"

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