"Hi! Welcome to the Trash Report. I'm Elinor Jones, doing my damnedest to write and think about anything besides this season of Love is Blind, which sucked so bad. I have very little time to watch television, so when something I consistently make time for lets me down, I feel personally attacked and wonder why I bother with new shows when I could simply rewatch New Girl until my passing so I am never disappointed."
"While this bad person has been destroying institutions for years, it has still been shocking to watch-but you know what the gold-embossed lining of the situation is? If this display shows us that modern-day presidents can simply knock down whatever shit they want, the next guy can do the same thing, and think about how good it will feel to take a wrecking ball to that monstrosity."
"I admit that I was tickled to see the Winklevoss twins' names. Because like, of course they are. These guys blew it on one critical investment (Facebook) and just can't stop themselves from trying to buy their way back into relevance. But this new ballroom and Facebook actually have a lot in common, in that they're both vacuous places filled with losers trying and failing to impress other losers."
The current Love is Blind season disappointed the narrator, who prefers rewatching New Girl rather than risk new shows. Conversation pivots to gossip about a new White House renovation: the East Wing was torn down to build a gold-embossed ballroom that dramatically changes the White House's footprint. The renovation was funded by wealthy donors, prompting anger and mockery, including fantasies of future presidents destroying the ballroom and crowd-funded campaigns to deface it. The donor list includes tech figures such as the Winklevoss twins, criticized for buying relevance. The Golden Globes plan to add a podcasting category amid alleged shady business.
Read at Portland Mercury
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