"In the week before Christmas, while the U.S. Department of Justice was getting ready to release a trove of documents relating to the Jeffrey Epstein case, some of the nation's most important public servants gathered for a meeting at the DOJ headquarters on Pennsylvania Avenue. Two Cabinet secretaries were there, along with the attorney general. They had an important matter to discuss. The important matter was puppies."
"Records of this meeting clearly indicate that each of these was in dire need of snuggling, as well as Cabinet-level scratches underneath its ears. But as representatives of America's puppy politic, the animals were also due, per that day's declarations, the full protection of the U.S. government. Brooke Rollins, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., and Pam Bondi would be joining up to lead a new "strike force" aimed at puppy mills, dog-fighting rings, and unscrupulous animal research."
""We're coming after you if you're going after these babies," Bondi warned, and then she squeezed the puppy in her lap for emphasis. This is all good politics-both in the sense of being morally correct and of giving people what they want. (More than half of all adults oppose the use of animals for medical testing, for example, and surveys find that puppy mills are not, in fact, beloved institutions.)"
In the week before Christmas, senior officials at DOJ met near Pennsylvania Avenue to prioritize animal protection, focusing on puppies. Cabinet members appointed Brooke Rollins, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., and Pam Bondi to lead a strike force targeting puppy mills, dog-fighting, and unethical animal research. Bondi publicly vowed enforcement while cuddling a puppy. The administration has enacted broad animal-protection measures since 2025, banning Navy testing on dogs and cats, ending monkey research at the CDC, reducing animal use at the FDA, and planning to eliminate mammal research at the EPA by 2035. HHS intervened to save ostriches from slaughter.
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