Rivals season two review if I could give this exquisite bonkbuster 10,000 stars, I would

"Rupert Campbell-Black is a bounder, a braggart, a scoundrel who won't play by the rules, by Jove. The man is a loose cannon, hisses show-jumping coach Malise Gordon (Rupert Everett), as Rupert (Alex Hassell) directs his own cannon at the latest in a seemingly endless conga-line of pantingly grateful locals. By his own cannon I mean, of course, his penis. Or rather his willy, for there is no aspect of the anatomy or, indeed, life that Rivals will not reduce to a cartoon while pointing and sniggering like a schoolgirl."

"Anyway, back to Rupert, who, as the aforementioned minister for sport and most handsome man in England, is the throbbing nub of this unapologetically preposterous adaptation of the late Jilly Cooper's 80s bonkbuster. Rupert has a head for business and a body for wearing jodhpurs while shouting ARE YOU READY FOR ME TO COME DOWN YOUR CHIMNEY? during sex. Men admire his ruthlessness; horses are magnetised by his reckless approach to leisurewear."

"The last time we saw Rupert he was scampering into the night with ruthless producer Cameron Cook (Nafessa Williams), the latter having just thwacked dastardly Corinium TV boss Tony Baddingham (David Tennant) over the noggin with some trophy or other. Why? Because Tony had found out about her involvement with rival consortium Venturer and arch-enemy Rupert and had slapped her, the bastard."

"The solution? Rupert will hide Cameron from Tony in his love-cottage in Devon, the best place to hold what we are unfortunately compelled to call crisis bonks. Thank you, pants Cameron after one such debriefing. Plenty more where that came from, smirks Rupert, his oiled thighs shimmering amid a cumulonimbus of Si"

Rupert Campbell-Black is portrayed as a brash, rule-breaking scoundrel whose behavior and body are treated as constant punchlines. His ruthlessness wins admiration from men and draws attention from horses, while his sexual exploits are framed as exaggerated comedy. The story follows Rupert as he directs his own “cannon,” with local characters portrayed as pantingly grateful. After Cameron Cook is attacked by Tony Baddingham for her ties to a rival consortium, Rupert plans to hide Cameron in a love-cottage in Devon. The setting becomes a backdrop for repeated “crisis bonks” as Rupert smirks and continues his chaotic, preposterous schemes.

Read at www.theguardian.com