Miscounting to six costs Tory stand-in his gotcha against poppy-shock Lammy | John Crace

"He had one job. ONE. JOB. Well, technically there might have been two, but we'll come to that later. But one main job. And that's to be able to count to six. That's how many questions the leader of the opposition gets to ask at prime minister's questions. It's been that way since Tony Blair planted himself in Downing Street in 1997 and turned the spectacle from twice a week to one extended session. You wouldn't have thought it was so hard to grasp."

"There again, some people find even the most basic maths challenging. Alas, poor James! You might not have heard of James Cartlidge. No shame there. Join 99.9% of the population. And if you had heard of him, you may not have known that he is the shadow defence secretary. No shame there either. Join 99.9% of Tory MPs. Put simply, James is instantly forgettable. Even to his own acquaintances. He has risen without trace."

"The best exponent of the Dunning-Kruger effect since Danny Kruger. And right now, Jimmy C will be more than pleased if all this stays that way. That he slips beneath every radar. Because right now he has locked himself inside a cupboard and is refusing to come out. Two shrinks have been brought in from the Priory to try to get him to come out quietly. It's OK, they can be heard saying. It's safe now. Everyone has gone away. Who are you again?"

Only six questions are allotted to the leader of the opposition at prime minister's questions, a format fixed since 1997 when Tony Blair consolidated sessions. James Cartlidge, the shadow defence secretary, failed to grasp this basic requirement and is portrayed as instantly forgettable and prone to Dunning-Kruger complacency. Cartlidge reportedly locked himself in a cupboard and refused to come out, prompting two Priory clinicians to attempt a quiet extraction. Keir Starmer was in Brazil at COP30 during the episode. Kemi Badenoch travelled to Aberdeen to advocate for fossil fuels. Alex Burghart, the deputy leader, is regarded as untrustworthy at the dispatch box.

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