Why Adult Children Resent the Divorce Years Later

"Why are my adult children so angry now? It is possible that they assumed roles in childhood that they shouldn't have carried. Many become mediators, confidants, or emotional caretakers without realizing it. Their resentment often emerges later. "I didn't ask them to take on these roles!" Georgia says, defensively. I reassure her that children cope with divorce by unconsciously stepping into these roles."

"Years later, adult children of divorce may perceive and feel anger about the long-term effects of their parents' divorce. Divorce can shape their own romantic relationships, attachment patterns, or fears of commitment. Georgia tells me that one of her children avoids commitment, another was married and quickly divorced, and a third is struggling with anxiety and insecurity in her marriage."

Adult children of divorce often carry unresolved anger, betrayal, and grief into middle adulthood. Many children assume inappropriate caregiving roles in childhood—mediator, confidant, or emotional caretaker—and later resent those responsibilities. Divorce can shape attachment patterns, fears of commitment, and relationship instability, including avoidance of commitment, quick divorces, anxiety, and insecurity in marriage. Adult children may experience loyalty conflicts and remain anxious around both parents even decades later. Their expressions of anger or criticism often represent ongoing grief and attempts to heal rather than personal attacks. Parents can support healing by avoiding defensiveness and recognizing these feelings as part of recovery.

Read at Psychology Today