Where Did My Loving Child Go?

"It is not unusual for me to hear from parents whose now-estranged adult child once expressed deep gratitude for their upbringing and for the role their parent played in their life. Often, these affirmations were written or spoken not long before the estrangement occurred. Then, sometimes abruptly, communication stops-or resumes in ways that feel hostile, rejecting, or sharply critical. Parents are left bewildered by what appears to be a sudden and dramatic shift in how they are perceived."

"A childhood once described as mostly good becomes redefined as fundamentally abusive Ordinary parental mistakes are reframed as evidence of pathology Complex, mixed relationships are reduced to a single explanatory label Context disappears, and intent is no longer considered This does not mean the adult child is lying.But it does mean their story has changed-sometimes dramatically. And stories shape identity. When Therapy Shapes Relationship Narratives Therapy can be lifesaving. It can also, unintentionally, shape how people come to understand their most important relationships."

Parents sometimes receive heartfelt gratitude from adult children shortly before communication suddenly stops or becomes hostile. Many parents experience a sweeping reinterpretation of their past: a mostly good childhood is recast as abusive, ordinary mistakes become pathology, complex relationships are simplified, and context and intent are erased. Therapy can influence how individuals reinterpret relationships, with clients reporting messages that a partner will never change or that the relationship is doomed. Those narrative shifts alter identity and can produce estrangement that leaves parents confused and struggling to reconcile prior affirmations with new accusations.

Read at Psychology Today