"Many parents believe they are being supportive when they say things like, "I'm just worried about you," or "We only want what's best for you." However, adult daughters can experience these same phrases not as care, but as criticism, control, or quiet disappointment. And it's brutal for a child to feel that from their parent. This disconnect was recently highlighted in an article by Avery White, who identified common phrases parents use with adult children that sound supportive but subtly communicate judgment."
"Intergenerational communication is shaped by competing expectations. Parents often continue to speak from roles of authority, protection, and experience-even with their children who have long been adults. On the other side, adult daughters often seek recognition as autonomous adults whose choices deserve respect. Relational dialectics theory describes this tension as an ongoing negotiation between two fundamental needs: connection and autonomy. Parents may express closeness through guidance and concern, while daughters experience those same messages as intrusion or mistrust."
Intergenerational communication involves competing expectations, with parents often speaking from authority, protection, and experience while adult daughters seek recognition as autonomous adults. Relational dialectics frames the tension as an ongoing negotiation between connection and autonomy. Parental expressions of closeness through guidance and concern can be experienced as intrusion, criticism, or mistrust by daughters. Daughters frequently perform emotional and invisible labor by translating parental language, softening criticism, reframing concern, and managing emotional harmony to preserve family relationships. Differing assumptions about closeness and independence lead to well-intended words missing their mark and producing emotional harm and strained relationships.
Read at Psychology Today
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