What Truly Matters More Than the Capacity to Love?

"I realized that I still loved her and knew this would be our final goodbye. Then I experienced a feeling, a new feeling I had never felt before, about her. Although she had left me three times and I had spent the past 18 months convinced that, for that reason, we had no stable future together, I realized that all of that emanated from my mind and that my heart had never stopped loving her."

"I acknowledged that we had grown up in different cultures, and that someone leaving their boyfriend or girlfriend in Mexico so the other person can realize what they have lost and make a long-term commitment, if they believe the other person is right for them, is much more common there than in the US. I recalled the sage words of M. Scott Peck in his groundbreaking book The Road Less Traveled: "When there is not commitment, there is confusion.""

Let things be as they are, welcoming both pleasure and pain as they arise. Develop capacity to confront challenging situations and tolerate whatever feelings emerge. The most important lesson to integrate from a relationship is recognition of being capable of love. A year and a half after Karla left him for the third time, he returned to Mexico and waited two days before seeing her. He met Karla for dinner, then broke down crying at the gym and recognized he still loved her. He realized his mind had created doubts about their future while his heart never stopped loving her. He noted cultural differences: leaving a partner to prompt commitment is more common in Mexico than in the US, and he recalled M. Scott Peck: "When there is not commitment, there is confusion." He had wanted to marry but preferred moving slowly after watching his parents' marriage disintegrate.

Read at Psychology Today