This is how we do it: When I tell other gay men we're monogamous, it's like I've said we have a strange kink'

"Leo and I first kissed on the dancefloor of a techno club in Hamburg 10 years ago, but we didn't see each other again until 2020, when he messaged to say he was visiting London. Because of lockdown, we would meet up and have deep chats on park benches in the freezing cold, getting to know each other very quickly. We bonded over similar backgrounds we're very close to our families, who have always been loving and accepting of us being gay."

"Leo has only ever been in open relationships, whereas I've always been monogamous, which has been a bit of an issue between us. I'm also only really interested in being a submissive bottom, whereas Leo's versatile, and I'm conscious that an open relationship would give him the chance to flip more. The idea of an open relationship is hot, but actually, it's a lot of admin for worse sex"

"When I tell other gay men that Leo and I are monogamous, it's as though I've said we have the strangest kink. After a year together, we moved to Berlin, and the sex-positive culture made me more open-minded about non-monogamy. We tried opening up our relationship after I moved back to London earlier this year, but quickly closed it again. The idea is hot, but actually, there's a lot of admin involved for what will realistically be worse sex."

They first met years earlier and reconnected in 2020, forming fast emotional intimacy during lockdown. Shared family acceptance created a strong bond. Leo disclosed he was in an open relationship and ended it to be with his partner. Leo prefers open relationships while his partner prefers monogamy and a submissive bottom role, creating sexual and compatibility tensions. Moving to Berlin increased openness to non-monogamy, but an attempted open arrangement after returning to London was quickly closed. Administrative burdens, diminished sexual satisfaction, and romantic discomfort led them back to monogamy. Long-distance logistics and exhaustion further complicate sexual expectations.

Read at www.theguardian.com