The Wheel of Consent is a model for understanding giving and receiving through mindful action, designed as a circular diagram with four quadrants. It invites pausing autopilot and asking deeper questions about genuine desire, what would feel good to give, and whose pleasure or benefit is involved. The model names four interactions: Giving (doing for another at their request to bring delight), Receiving (responding to another's wants), Taking (doing for one's own enjoyment with clear yes), and Allowing (letting another do for themselves with conscious permission). Clarity and consent foster trust, daring vulnerability, freedom, and greater relational integrity.
In action, it's a little like pressing pause on autopilot and getting curious. What if we didn't just ask, "Is this OK?" but went deeper: "What do I truly want right now?" "What would feel genuinely good to give?" "Whose pleasure or benefit are we talking about?" These questions can seem simple, but when honest and forthcoming, they open up a surprising amount of freedom.
And yes, as Winnicott reminds us, "It is a joy to be hidden, and a disaster to not be found." There is something deeply thrilling about being pursued or intuited without a word-the hope that someone will truly find us. Yet the trust created through consent doesn't dampen that spark; it allows us to explore the excitement with a trust that permits daring vulnerability. Clarity and consent give rise to freedom and the expansiveness of possibility.
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