"First, here's something many people (even some therapists) don't know and is counterintuitive: not everyone who has an affair believes his or her marriage is unhappy. In fact, data suggest that many cheating spouses report that their marriages are good, and that leaving their spouse was never a consideration. There are many other reasons people decide to have an affair besides unhappiness with their partner."
"Still, the primary reason people resonated with that sentence in my book is this. Regardless of the challenging issues people are facing in their marriages, problems are not the cause of affairs. Let me explain. I have worked with some couples who haven't had sex in years because one spouse just decided sex was not going to happen. Many so-called "sex-starved" spouses feel lonely, miserable, angry, resentful, and defeated but do not go outside their marriages to find sexual satisfaction."
Affairs do not necessarily indicate marital unhappiness; many unfaithful partners report satisfying marriages and did not intend to leave their spouses. People pursue affairs for varied reasons, including seeking excitement, filling an emotional void, or addressing a sexual desire gap. Emotional emptiness can arise from limited time together or frequent arguing, while physical dissatisfaction can develop when sexual connection wanes. Marital problems and unmet needs may coexist with decisions to cheat, but problems themselves do not cause infidelity. Some spouses endure long-term sexual absence without cheating, while others seek outside sexual or emotional fulfillment despite otherwise adequate marital functioning.
Read at Psychology Today
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