A man in a relationship with a woman who has a history of restrictive eating and self-esteem issues has a BBW and feedism fetish. He enjoys cooking for her and sharing food, and the cooking is not intended as sexual. She has gained about ten pounds and seems comfortable, but she does not know about his fetish. He worries that revealing it abruptly could cause distress and unanswered questions. He expects she may learn eventually and wants a communication plan. The situation centers on timing, framing, and protecting a partner with past calorie counting and controlling-parent trauma while maintaining honesty and consent around sexual interests.
"“I’m a 30-year-old man in a relationship with a 26-year-old cis-woman… She’s basically moved in… Here’s the wrinkle.” “I have a BBW fetish and a joint fetish for feedism. I get off on that content a fair bit, and I like bigger women a lot more than I can say.” “My partner is skinny and has real issues with self-esteem and food… She apparently used to calorie count excessively… She has become much more culinarily adventurous with me, and part of our rapport is that I cook for her a few times a week.”"
"“She has gained some weight, like 10 pounds, and she talks about it some, but she seems OK with it. When I cook for her, it is not in any way sexual. I do it because I like sharing a skill, sharing food, and seeing her happy.” “That said, she doesn’t know about my fetish, and I don’t really want to tell her because I think she’d freak out about it.”"
"“Bringing up out of the blue, ‘Hey, when I cook for you, just so you know, it’s not a fetish,’ feels like it brings up a lot of questions that the sentence doesn’t answer.” “I’ve read enough letters here to know, however, that it’s probably only a matter of time until she finds out what I’m into.” “What’s a good playbook for things to say?”"
Read at Slate Magazine
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