The Importance of Durable Relationship Energy

"Have you heard the term "new relationship energy?" It's commonly used in consensual non- monogamy (CNM) circles to describe the intense, heady sensations that accompany the early stages of a romantic bond. It doesn't apply exclusively to CNM relationships, though, and it's a very useful way to think about the specific intensity that accompanies the first few months with a new partner."

"As time goes by and challenges pile up, it's common for people to look back with rose-colored glasses on those early relationship days, when everything felt so easy and so exciting. It's essential that everyone understands that this is a natural and expected relationship progression; our bodies literally can't maintain the intensity of the new relationship energy for the long term. The fact is that as fun as new relationship energy can be, it also has a dark side."

"The desire to please an exciting new partner can also lead people to massage the truth a bit - to act like they love all the same things that their crush does, for instance. This is human, but it can also cause problems as time goes on; if you've spent a lot of time trying to present the best possible face, you might be left wondering "Can I actually be my real self with this person, or do I have to keep putting on a show?""

New relationship energy describes the intense, heady sensations during the early stages of a romantic bond and often appears in CNM contexts but is not limited to them. The exhilaration commonly occurs during the first few months of a new partnership. Over time, challenges accumulate and the initial intensity fades because the body cannot sustain that heightened state indefinitely. The early intensity can produce negative effects such as self-absorption and truth-massaging to please a partner, which can undermine authenticity. Durable relationship energy is the long-term counterpart that emerges over years or decades through repeated choosing and steadier commitment.

Read at Psychology Today