The hill I will die on: Never decline an invitation on the day of the event. Ghosting is the humane option | Phineas Harper

"There are only two correct times to decline a party invitation: well in advance or not at all. The last thing any stressed-out host wants to receive, in the moments before their big event begins, is a sudden flood of 11th-hour RSVPs from guests announcing that they're not coming. And yet, as anyone who regularly organises large parties in Britain knows, that's exactly what they tend to be sent. It needs to stop."

"Having an invitation turned down in advance stings a little, but it is genuinely helpful. It provides a sense of potential turnout to help gauge catering and expectations. A decline on the day, however, is infuriatingly useless. Food and booze will already long since have been ordered, and it's way too late to invite another friend to make up the numbers. Worse, getting a string of hastily typed apologies just hours before kick-off is an almighty buzzkill."

"Spending the day preparing, cleaning, baking and making Spotify playlists only to be hit by a wave of rejection just as you're feeling most vulnerable about who will turn up sucks. There's nothing wrong with guests reneging on party invitations per se. Shit happens. That's life. Never mind. But rather than adding to your host's headaches, the polite way to bow out of an event you find yourself unexpectedly unable to attend is to simply keep your mouth shut and your phone in your pocket."

Hosts need timely RSVPs because last-minute cancellations frustrate preparations and waste ordered food and drinks. Declining an invitation well in advance allows accurate catering and guest-count planning. Cancelling on the day is useless: supplies are purchased and there's no time to invite replacements. Multiple last-minute dropouts dampen hosts' morale after extensive preparation, cleaning, baking, and playlist curation. Silent non-attendance is preferable to announcing a last-minute inability to attend, as it avoids adding stress. Group chat messages amplifying last-minute cancellations spread negative energy among all invitees. For small events, different etiquette may apply, but punctual communication remains respectful.

Read at www.theguardian.com