Unspoken relationship blueprints are personal frameworks of expectations, assumptions, aspirations, and desires that partners bring into long-term relationships. Blueprints often originate from childhood experiences, past relationships, and cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds. Blueprints silently shape behaviors around finances, intimacy, conflict, public displays of affection, and sexual norms. Common implicit rules include beliefs about verbal affirmations, marriage progression, public kissing, sexual reciprocity, monogamy, conflict avoidance, financial arrangements, major purchase decisions, and holiday traditions. Few partners are aware of or discuss blueprint disparities, and neglecting those disparities is likely to generate repeated conflict, disconnection, and resentment.
David and Elena have been together for five years. Their love is real, but lately they've been circling the same argument over and over-until both feel disconnected and resentful. What they don't realize is that their conflict stems from something invisible but powerful: their relationship blueprints. Everyone in a long-term intimate relationship has a unique relationship blueprint. Few are aware of this. Fewer still discuss it with their partner.
A person's "relationship blueprint" refers to the unspoken framework of expectations, assumptions, aspirations, and desires that they bring into a relationship. It often stems from their childhood experiences, past relationships, and cultural and socioeconomic backgrounds. Moreover, a couple's blueprints sneakily influence how they manage finances, intimacy, conflict, or even whether they hold hands in public. Here are a few examples of blueprint "rules":
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