"Overcoming the emotional burden of putting yourself first in a new social situation or a twin conflict is often painful, stressful, and complicated when you are a twin. Both identical and fraternal twins can have difficulties not sharing, over-sharing, or taking what belongs to them. Easily giving away a cookie or a book or an answer to a math problem is a common experience that creates dependency that will need to be eliminated as twins mature."
"The difficulty in putting yourself first is in direct contrast to the popular social belief that twins are very fortunate to have each other's companionship and deep understanding, which many people believe is truly priceless. Twins easily communicate with each other, which has good and bad consequences. For example, if your twin thinks that you are making a mistake, he or she cannot (will not) keep their opinion to themselves, because their identity is intertwined with yours."
Twins easily communicate, producing both deep understanding and problematic interference when opinions are shared freely. Parental favoritism can trigger competition, fighting, and uncontrolled anger between twins. Both identical and fraternal twins may struggle with not sharing, over-sharing, or taking belongings, creating dependency that must be reduced as they mature. The difficulty of putting oneself first contrasts with the perception that twin companionship is unambiguously fortunate. When disagreements arise, clarity about ownership or decision authority reduces confusion. Respecting different beliefs and holding onto one’s point of view supports development of individuality and reduces giving in to neediness.
Read at Psychology Today
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