"The idea is that making a statement that shows empathy, or that you will pay attention, or that you respect something about the other person, will calm them and help you connect with them. Empathy can include acknowledging what the other person might be feeling or experiencing, such as "I can understand that you might be feeling frustrated about this." Or: "I can see that this is a hard time for you." Or: "I can hear your disappointment in having your request turned down."
"Setting limits is hard. When someone else's behavior is impacting your life in a negative way, it can be important to set limits on them for your own protection or to create space to thrive in your own endeavors. This can happen in families, at work, in your community, online, or anywhere. However, the question arises: Should I show some empathy to the person who I am setting limits on?"
Setting limits is difficult but necessary when someone else's behavior harms personal wellbeing or prevents flourishing. An EAR Statement — showing empathy, offering attention, or acknowledging respect — can calm a person and foster connection, for example by saying, "I can understand that you might be feeling frustrated about this," or offering to listen. A conflict-management method frames a half-step decision: provide an EAR Statement roughly half the time, and withhold it when the other person may exploit empathy. Choosing whether to use EAR depends on relationship context and risk of manipulation.
Read at Psychology Today
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