"My wife suffers from health issues that make sex painful. I never pressure her, and her wellbeing is always my top priority, so for years I've "taken care of myself." However, she also isn't a "touchy-feely person," while I love cuddles, holding hands, and kissing. As the years have gone by, I've grown resentful. I feel undesired and unloved. I no longer initiate any sexual moves."
"This has led to months of no sexual contact. We've maybe had sex twice a year for the last five years. When it reaches a point of me feeling particularly down, I raise the subject. This usually resorts in us setting a date to at least snuggle, but it feels like a chore for her, which just exacerbates my feelings of worthlessness. For that reason, I've stopped trying at all."
"I'm in my early thirties and I feel like my best sexual years are disappearing before my eyes. I recently started going to trance nights and meeting new people. Speaking to other women and feeling desired has made me feel alive again. I've been faithful to my wife, but I can't see things continuing as they are and the two of us maintaining a healthy relationship."
A married person with a child describes sexual dissatisfaction caused by a partner's painful health issues and low physical affection. The person prioritizes the partner's wellbeing, masturbates privately, and has become resentful, undesired, and emotionally withdrawn. Attempts to schedule intimacy feel like chores and have led to months without sexual contact and minimal sex over several years. New social experiences and feeling desired by others reignited sexual vitality and shifted attitudes toward considering nonmonogamy. The person remains faithful but questions the relationship's future and asks whether an open relationship, its emotional impact on the partner, or other alternatives could resolve the situation.
Read at Portland Mercury
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