"When I have romantic relationships with cis het men, I've noticed two general types: They either enjoy sex and prioritize pleasure and making things fun for their partners and themselves, but make no special big deal about it, and we usually have frequent enough sex and that's enjoyable and good. Or the sex starts out pretty good but - at some point - they make it known to me that they need to have sex regularly, that they can't tolerate a lack of sex,"
"Usually around this time the sex either gets worse or I realize that it wasn't that good to begin with and then we start having less sex and then it slowly becomes so terrible that I barely want to have sex with them anymore at all and then the relationship ends. I wonder if anyone else has had this experience, and if you have any comments."
"While not all cis het men suck - sounds like you've found and fucked a few good ones - cis het men who tell you they need to have sex regularly, that they can't tolerate a lack of sex, and that they barely survived their last sexless relationships... those cis het guys tend to suck. In your experience, sex with cis het men who make speeches about how much sex they feel entitled to quickly becomes an obligation, not a pleasure."
Two general patterns appear in romantic relationships with cisgender heterosexual men. Some men prioritize mutual pleasure, keep sex fun without dramatizing it, and sustain a healthy, frequent sexual connection. Other men start well but later declare they need regular sex, cannot tolerate sexlessness, and show resentment when sexual frequency drops. When demands about needing sex arise, sexual encounters often shift into obligations, desire declines, and relationship satisfaction decreases. Repeated patterns of entitlement predict relational breakdown. Recognizing this pattern enables clearer boundaries and more informed partner choices to prioritize mutual pleasure rather than entitlement.
Read at Portland Mercury
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