""I feel so great when she has an orgasm with me!" Mike, a 27-year-old engineer, declared with pride. "But it hardly ever happens." He hesitated and looked down, "What does that say about me?" Mike and Amanda had come to therapy to help 'fix' her orgasm problem. Amanda described how she was able to orgasm in masturbation, but was struggling in partnered sex, "I think there's something wrong with me. I just can't get there with him.""
"What brings us "over the edge" can be called an orgasm pattern. An orgasm pattern is a specific set of sensations and experiences that our bodies and minds associate with reaching orgasm. Each of us has a unique orgasm pattern, which develops early on in our lives, based on our first orgasm experiences (usually through masturbation). Knowingly or unknowingly, we will seek to repeat the pattern as a strategy to reliably reach orgasm. This is our own unique orgasm 'code'."
Up to 60% of women and 9% of men struggle to orgasm during partnered sex in long-term relationships. What brings someone over the edge can be called an orgasm pattern. An orgasm pattern is a specific set of sensations and experiences that bodies and minds associate with reaching orgasm. Each person has a unique orgasm pattern that typically develops early in life, often shaped by first orgasm experiences such as masturbation, and people tend to repeat that pattern as a reliable strategy. Men more often orgasm when focused on their partner's pleasure, whereas women more often reach orgasm when focused on their own pleasure. Sharing and guiding a partner about one's pattern improves partnered orgasm satisfaction.
Read at Psychology Today
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