"We have a shared account for bills and separate personal accounts, but when she has spent the money in her personal account she will just switch over to the shared account. I end up using my personal account for bills frequently. We've talked about this endlessly, we've looked at how much money we're spending, we've done budgets, but she just doesn't stick to it, and my personality does not lend itself to enforcement."
"I make more money, so I've never wanted to feel like I'm holding that over her. It's not even big things, just an endless stream of stuff, all of which she justifies individually ("it's only $25," "I got rain boots for when the kids grow out of theirs")-nothing unreasonable, but it's so constant that we never have any money saved or pay off debts. After six years, I'm at the end of my rope with being financially insecure, even while we should have enough money!"
A spouse's habitual small purchases drain shared savings despite higher household income and separate accounts. Shared account access is used when personal funds run out, leaving the primary earner to cover bills. Repeated budgeting conversations and tracking have not changed the behavior. Childhood financial instability appears to underlie the spending patterns. The behavior prevents saving, debt repayment, and creates ongoing financial insecurity. Practical measures include restricting shared-account access, setting automatic transfers for bills, establishing spending caps and written agreements. Professional help such as couples therapy or a financial therapist can address underlying psychological causes and improve money management.
Read at Slate Magazine
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