"I love him dearly and have allowed our sexual relationship to follow his guide, because he is the more vanilla, less experienced one, but I'm at the point where I don't care if we have sex (although I want it). I just don't get what I need from him. And what I need is talking dirty, hair-pulling, spankings, whippings, and being tied up. I'm a bit of a masochist, so pain and restraints turn me on but are not his thing."
"I've thought about bringing up play with someone else that doesn't lead to intercourse, because just the action of being restrained or whipped relaxes me when done right. I know he doesn't want to sexually share me with anyone else and the fact of the matter is I don't want a relationship with anyone else. In any other relationship I would be involved in a friend with benefits or one night stand by now."
"In discussions about such matters, I think leading with the most important information is crucial. If it came down to it-and it might-what would you choose? This guy or your freedom? It seems like the answer is this guy, so tell him that. Something like, "I want to talk to you about our sex life, but I want to state up front that breaking up is not something I want to do. I want to hold onto you while ex"
A 45-year-old woman six years into a monogamous relationship feels sexually unfulfilled because her 36-year-old partner is more vanilla and less experienced. She desires talking dirty, hair-pulling, spankings, whippings, and being tied up; pain and restraints arouse her. She has considered involving someone else for non-intercourse play but does not want another relationship and fears her partner's reaction. The relationship exists in a small, conservative town with limited play communities. The central choice becomes prioritizing the relationship or pursuing sexual freedom, with an emphasis on honest, reassuring conversation and exploring consensual compromises.
Read at Slate Magazine
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