"Throughout the relationship, she has been dealing with a medical condition and has undergone several treatments to address chronic pain. Some of the treatments worked for a time, and we were able to have a good sex life, but after a few months, there were severe side effects. She dealt with debilitating constipation and had to have some additional procedures."
"To continue with the metaphor of building a fire, fuel is a crucial part of getting from cold embers to a warm, sustainably crackling hearth. Your partner's physical symptoms and the emotional toll of the experience are pouring rain down on the woodpile, and wet wood won't burn. Her libido is switched off (which is a fairly common response to extreme physical discomfort, and to unaddressed emotional distress)."
A long-term partner experienced chronic pain and underwent multiple treatments that temporarily improved symptoms but produced severe side effects, including debilitating constipation and additional procedures. After these events, sexual activity stopped and the partner reports feeling traumatized. The other partner has been patient for over three years and seeks ways to restore intimacy. Physical symptoms and emotional trauma can suppress libido. Healing requires the partner to rebuild her relationship to her body, process the traumatic aspects of treatment, and create sheltered conditions in which desire can gradually return.
Read at Slate Magazine
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