My Fiance Has Developed a Baffling, Childish Way of Initiating Sex. I Dread It.

"The subject of reasons why heterosexual men suddenly forget how to exert erotic effort that they have thoroughly demonstrated capacity to engage in remains both fascinating and irritating to me. I wasn't there several years ago, and time does often distort our recollections, but I expect that your sense that your fiancé's approach has changed is accurate."

"You might hurt your fiancé's feelings to some extent, make him feel awkward, or otherwise cause him discomfort by broaching this subject. But he is currently making you feel-in your own words-bothered and uncomfortable, and possibly causing other negative feelings, over and over, when he pokes you, boops you on the nose, and puts his fingers inside your body in a way that doesn't work for you."

"The question is whether you're going to tolerate this (or a continued drift toward Bozo-like antics) for the sake of sparing him the slight singe of being informed that his behavior is less than enjoyable. The longer you let this go, the more he's likely to continue."

A woman in a long-term relationship expresses dissatisfaction with her fiancé's childish approach to sexual initiation, which includes playful poking and nose-booping rather than genuine foreplay. She recalls that his behavior was different during their earlier friendship-with-benefits phase. When foreplay progresses, she experiences physical discomfort. The advice columnist acknowledges that men sometimes abandon demonstrated sexual effort after relationships become established, and emphasizes that the woman must communicate her needs directly. While this conversation may cause temporary awkwardness or hurt feelings, tolerating unsatisfying and uncomfortable sexual encounters is not a viable long-term solution. Delaying this discussion will likely worsen the pattern.

Read at Slate Magazine