"Her daughter was my bridesmaid, and after we emigrated when she was a teenager I became a distant mentor cheering on her ambitions and inviting her to spend a post-uni gap year using our home as a base. She has a great independent streak and quickly found her feet, and became close with my own children, some of whom now live near her in the UK. We all get together regularly when I visit each summer."
"It later transpired that she had decided to have an intimate affair. I was sad, of course, but as they didn't have a big budget I understood, and watched the date come and go. I thought I was OK about it, but then she sent me photos showing all the trimmings of a proper wedding, with a gushing account of her wonderful day with family and close friends. I felt absolutely bereft."
"I have been trying to rationalise my emotional response. I feel foolish for investing time, effort and goodwill in someone who doesn't appreciate it enough to include me in their life's key moments. I don't feel as if I was ever transactional in being there for her, and she has voiced her appreciation, but something about it has deeply hurt and upset me."
A cousin's daughter received mentorship, accommodation, and financial help from an older relative who emigrated and hosted her during a post-uni gap year. The daughter became close with the relative's children, used the family's holiday cottage, and stayed rent-free in a university flat while saving for a mortgage. The daughter became engaged but communicated little; the relative learned the couple planned an intimate affair and accepted it due to budget concerns. Later photos revealed a full wedding with family and friends, leaving the relative feeling bereft, foolish, and deeply hurt despite voiced appreciation. The relative is trying to rationalise these emotions and questions the relationship's future.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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