"I'm a woman in my 30s and I recently stayed at my boyfriend's apartment and I'm feeling conflicted. Some context: He is in a happy open marriage, and they have been married for about a decade. I've never met his wife. They respect each other's privacy when it comes to other partners. I've slept over at his place while his wife is out of town before. But this is the first time I've stayed at their joint home while they were both gone."
"I thought I was really happy with this arrangement, but seeing all the traces of their life, their pictures together, and all of her things has made me feel insecure about not getting all of him. Or rather, that she's getting a better version of him than I am: the deep commitment, a shared life, etc. Honestly, I felt I was pretty happy with where we were before this."
"Before we dig in, I want to note that while asking you to dog sit would be fairly common in a kitchen-table style polyamorous arrangement (where everyone knows each other and usually has some sort of a relationship, even if that relationship isn't romantic or sexual), it strikes me as a bit odd for an open marriage where the spouses prefer not to meet each other's partners."
A woman in her 30s stayed at her boyfriend's shared apartment while his wife and he were both away to dog-sit, and she felt insecure seeing their shared life and possessions. Seeing photographs and domestic traces intensified feelings that the wife receives deeper commitment and a more complete partnership. Asking someone to dog-sit can be common in kitchen-table style polyamory where partners know one another, but it can feel unusual in an open marriage that keeps partners separate. Some couples establish hierarchical priority for spouses; that structure can be acceptable with informed consent, yet secondary partners' emotions often require more consideration.
Read at Slate Magazine
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