Most People Don't Have a 'Type'

"By the time I met Rich, I had whittled my list of must-haves for a romantic partner down to two: He must be Jewish, and he must have a permanent address. He didn't clear even this low bar. I'm not sure what made me fall for the Gentile giant who was crashing, as a "stopgap measure between things," on the couch of my group house. But, reader, I married him."

"Many people think that they have a set type, and that all they need for eternal bliss is to find someone who matches it. When people peruse dating profiles, they're often looking for someone who has specific interests, qualities, or hobbies. But according to a growing body of relationship research, many people end up marrying someone with few of their must-haves and a lot of "haves" they didn't think they desired."

"In a 2020 study, the UC Davis psychologist Paul Eastwick and his colleagues asked participants to list some ideal characteristics they wanted in a partner, and then sent them on a blind date. The researchers later asked the participants how closely the person they went out with had reflected both their own ideals and a list of someone else's. People turned out to be just as romantically interested in a date who met the other person's must-haves as they were in a date who met all of their own."

Many people set explicit must-haves for romantic partners but often end up with partners who do not meet those criteria. An individual married a partner who failed basic stated requirements. Relationship research finds a mismatch between stated ideals and real-life attraction. In a 2020 blind-dating study, participants listed ideal characteristics and then went on blind dates; romantic interest was similar whether a date met the participant's own ideals or someone else's. Psychologists conclude that people frequently do not know what they want and cannot predict which traits will prove attractive until they meet someone.

Read at The Atlantic